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Why Can’t We Think Straight When We Get Defensive?

By Sharon Strand Ellison — 2013

Defensiveness lives in our bodies; It’s not just a matter of controlling ourselves; the minute we feel any kind of threat it takes over. So how to we get rid of it?

04:33 min

05:06

Parents Argue Over Popular Daughter Who Is Rude at Home

This story is about a mom and a step-dad who had argued a lot over a teenage daughter who was rude and home and unwilling to do her part. The step-dad shifted to using a non-defensive statement and got very different results.

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Sharon Strand Ellison
2013
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03:26

See How this Single Question Saved a Marriage

This story is about a situation where Todd, a husband, almost left his wife and kids, and the wife found a way to ask one non-defensive question that led to a conversation that saved the marriage.

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Sharon Strand Ellison
2013
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04:12

How Can Simple Curious Questions Have Such Disarming Power?

We are used to asking questions in ways that convey judgment and/or are interrogating or entrapping. Much of the body language and tone we use is unconscious. To be real, a question needs to be based on pure curiosity, but it's easier said than done.

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Sharon Strand Ellison
2013
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02:52

Passive-Aggressive Behavior & Conflict

Passive-aggressive people: Could you be one of them? Passive-aggressive people don't get mad, they get even. When conflict triggers an emotional response, the passive-aggressive pattern is for revenge, by some form of sabotage.

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2011
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01:43

How to Deal with Passive-Aggressive Behavior

People in your life can make you feel bad or wrong by saying one thing to you and meaning something else. You can avoid falling into their traps.

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2010
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03:16

How to Complain Without Hurting Your Partner | Dr. Julie Gottman | Relationship Advice

Want communications in your relationship to be more effective? Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman explains the best (and worst) ways to talk to your mate about your wishes and needs.

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Julie Schwartz Gottman
2011
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20:15

World Peace Starts at Home | Julie Schwartz Gottman | TEDxVeniceBeach

Using the findings from The Gottman Institute’s studies of love and diplomacy, world-renowned relationship expert Julie Schwartz Gottman tries to understand how to create peace in the world by dissecting human communication.

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Julie Schwartz Gottman
2018
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00:53

Diffusing Difficult Conversations with Love | Dr. Julie Gottman

You've approached your partner in a gentle manner, to bring up an issue you want to discuss (called a "softened startup"). What if you get negative response? Listen to Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman explain how to work around this.

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Julie Schwartz Gottman
2010
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03:22

Thich Nhat Hanh on Compassionate Listening | Super Soul Sunday | Oprah Winfrey Network

Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh says listening can help end the suffering of an individual, put an end to war and change the world for the better. Watch as he explains how to practice compassionate listening.

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Thich Nhat Hanh
2012
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05:33

Stop Bickering. It's Killing Your Relationship - Esther Perel

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Esther Perel
2017
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Communication Skills