Dr. John Gottman explains his findings from his 12-year study on committed gay and lesbian relationships.
02:48 min
CLEAR ALL
In this conversation, we delve into some of the biggest misconceptions surrounding relationships, why we need to invest in ourselves, and why romantic love is a delusion.
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Kim Eng shares that there is nothing wrong with expectations, but we should not become overly attached to them. Instead, we need to inquire into the source of those expectations to determine whether they are healthy and reasonable, or if they arise from the unconsciousness of the pain-body.
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Going cold on our partners is often a sign not that we have stopped caring, but that we are - somewhere deep down - furious or hurt
The issue of who shows an interest in having a physical relationship in a couple might be mistaken for rather trivial; after all, what counts is that it happens, not that one or the other party initiates.
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Dr. Kate discusses how someone in a love addiction cycle generally pairs up with someone in a love avoidance cycle, because their needs are similar but opposite in terms of how they're expressed. Someone in a love avoidance cycle typically enters a relationship under a feeling of obligation or duty.
Healthy relationships are built upon skills emphasizing connection and affirmation. Sometimes, though, a partner may be reluctant to connect, becoming avoidant. This can be especially common when conflicts arise.
Now, the point I really want to make today, is that you don’t need to have experienced significant trauma, or attachment disruptions in your past, to slip into experiencing anxiety or avoidance as a go to coping skill for stress in a romantic situation.
Do you ever get too attached to some thing, some person, some goal?
Dr. Robert Delamontagne is a leading expert on the psychological aspects of retirement. He’s the author of the Retiring Mind series of books, in which he helps people manage the negative psychological effects they experience after retiring.