07:07 min
CLEAR ALL
This story is about a situation where Todd, a husband, almost left his wife and kids, and the wife found a way to ask one non-defensive question that led to a conversation that saved the marriage.
This story is about a mom and a step-dad who had argued a lot over a teenage daughter who was rude and home and unwilling to do her part. The step-dad shifted to using a non-defensive statement and got very different results.
This story is about a 10-year old girl who stopped a bully from harassing her with one non-defensive question.
So often when we set limits it is with an agenda. We want a certain result and are upset if we don't get it. Here I talk about how to set limits that really work, but it requires not trying to control "which choice" the other child or adult makes.
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This story is about a young woman who was being sexually harassed by her supervisor and was able to ask a question that prompted the supervisor to completely shift his behavior.
A short talk on how shift from ways of using power in our interactions that are defensive and lead to power struggle to gaining far greater power by using non-defensive communication skills.
Defensiveness lives in our bodies; It’s not just a matter of controlling ourselves; the minute we feel any kind of threat it takes over. So how to we get rid of it?
We are used to asking questions in ways that convey judgment and/or are interrogating or entrapping. Much of the body language and tone we use is unconscious. To be real, a question needs to be based on pure curiosity, but it's easier said than done.
Sharon Strand Ellison, the author of Taking the War Out of Our Words, is a pioneer in the field of eliminating defensiveness. An international communication consultant and award-winning speaker, Sharon is the Founder and Executive Director of the Institute for Powerful Non-Defensive Communication.