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When we take rejection as proof of our inadequacies, it’s hard to allow ourselves to risk being truly seen again. . . . The problem arises when shame kicks in and we aren’t able to view our flaws, limitations, and vulnerabilities in a patient, self-loving way. The fear of rejection becomes understandably intense when it taps into our own belief that we are lesser than others—or lesser than the image we feel compelled to project.

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Harriet Lerner is an American psychologist and preeminent voice on the psychology of women, family, and relationships. She is the author of several books on these subjects, including the New York Times bestseller The Dance of Anger.

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FindCenter Quotes ImageLearning any new skill involves relatively brief spurts of progress, each of which is followed by a slight decline to a plateau somewhat higher in most cases than that which preceded it . . . the upward spurts vary; the plateaus have their own dips and rises along the way. . . .

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FindCenter Quotes ImageIndecision leads to inaction, which leads to low energy, depression, despair.

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FindCenter Quotes ImageResolve to do the things you find to be difficult. That’s what confident people do. They tackle those things that are scary and they get addicted to doing it.

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FindCenter Quotes ImageWe cannot make another person change his or her steps to an old dance, but if we change our own steps, the dance no longer can continue in the same predictable pattern.

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FindCenter Quotes ImageOnly through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.

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EXPLORE TOPIC

Criticism and Rejection