Harriet Lerner is an American psychologist and preeminent voice on the psychology of women, family, and relationships. She is the author of several books on these subjects, including the New York Times bestseller The Dance of Anger.
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Self-defeating behavior is the single most common reason that people seek psychotherapy. It is a poison, preventing us from achieving the love, success and happiness we want in our lives.
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I’m the first to admit that for many years, I was a bit emotionally needy. Not in a crazy, desperate way, but in the way that many of us are. I wanted someone else to make me happy, blamed others for my unhappiness, sought to fulfill my emotional needs through others.
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When Chip Conley, dynamic author of the bestselling Peak, suffered a series of devastating personal and professional setbacks, he began using what he came to call “Emotional Equations” (such as Joy = Love – Fear) to help him focus on the variables in life that he could handle, rather than...
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