Harriet Lerner is an American psychologist and preeminent voice on the psychology of women, family, and relationships. She is the author of several books on these subjects, including the New York Times bestseller The Dance of Anger.
CLEAR ALL
In the final analysis, love is not this sentimental something that we talk about. It’s not merely an emotional something. Love is creative, understanding goodwill for all men. It is the refusal to defeat any individual.
1
Do not waste time bothering whether you ‘love’ your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him.
3
The first question which the priest and the Levite asked was: ‘If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?’ But the good Samaritan reversed the question: ‘If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?’
Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?’
As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation — either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.
Love has within it a redemptive power. And there is a power there that eventually transforms individuals. Just keep being friendly to that person . . . they react in many ways in the beginning . . . sometimes they’ll hate you a little more at that transition period, but just keep loving them.
We must come to see that the end we seek is a society at peace with itself, a society that can live with its conscience.