QUOTE

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What is true is already so. Owning up to it doesn’t make it worse. Not being open about it doesn’t make it go away. And because it’s true, it is what is there to be interacted with. Anything untrue isn’t there to be lived. People can stand what is true, for they are already enduring it.

By Eugene Gendlin
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Beginning Anew: Four Steps to Restoring Communication

When we’re upset with someone, we’re often afraid to say anything. We tell ourselves, “Oh, it’s just a small matter; it’s not important.” But the accumulation of many small issues can create an explosive situation, and can even cause relationships to break.

Book
Sister Chan Khong
2014
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Taking the War Out of Our Words: The Art of Powerful Non-Defensive Communication

Whether we are dealing with a rude clerk, our child saying, “That’s not fair!,” our spouse ignoring us, or an uncooperative co-worker, in our struggle to respond effectively, we often become defensive—sometimes without even realizing it.

Book
Sharon Strand Ellison
2025
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05:06

Parents Argue Over Popular Daughter Who Is Rude at Home

This story is about a mom and a step-dad who had argued a lot over a teenage daughter who was rude and home and unwilling to do her part. The step-dad shifted to using a non-defensive statement and got very different results.

Video
Sharon Strand Ellison
2013
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04:12

How Can Simple Curious Questions Have Such Disarming Power?

We are used to asking questions in ways that convey judgment and/or are interrogating or entrapping. Much of the body language and tone we use is unconscious. To be real, a question needs to be based on pure curiosity, but it's easier said than done.

Video
Sharon Strand Ellison
2013
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What’s More Important: Speaking Your Truth or Maintaining Safe Relationships?

What would it take to be ourselves and speak our truth while also maintaining a climate of emotional safety in our important relationships?

Article
John Amodeo
2017
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14:40

Projecting Your Personal Shadow | Dr. Steve Mortenson | TEDxUniversityofDelaware

Dr. Mortenson takes us from unskillful behavior to skillful behavior in this talk focusing on the Personal Shadow and projecting it on to other people. Steve Mortenson is a professor of Communication at the University of Delaware.

Video
2018
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29:08

Personal Shadow Part 1: The Shamans Cave

Part One of a Two-Part Show. The shadow is a term that is used by people to describe so much of the darkness and dishonest behavior we are seeing today. The shadow is also part of nature. Without the shadow, there is no life.

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Sandra Ingerman
2019
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The Dance of Deception: A Guide to Authenticity and Truth-Telling in Women’s Relationships

When The Dance of Deception was published, Lerner discovered that women were not eager to identify with the subject. “Well, I don’t do deception” was a common response. We all “do deception,” often with the intention to protect ourselves and the relationships we depend on.

Book
Harriet Lerner
1997
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EXPLORE TOPIC

Self-Expression