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Married to Distraction: How to Restore Intimacy and Strengthen Your Partnership in an Age of Interruption

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By Edward M. Hallowell, Sue George Hallowell, Melissa Orlov — 2011

Are you more distant from your spouse than you’d like to be? Do you or your spouse waste time mindlessly viewing email or surfing the Web? Welcome to the club! Modern marriage is busy, distracted, and overloaded to extremes, with ever-increasing lists of things to do, superficial electronic... See more...

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FindCenter Quotes ImageThe best apologies are short, and don’t go on to include explanations that run the risk of undoing them. An apology isn’t the only chance you ever get to address the underlying issue. The apology is the chance you get to establish the ground for future communication.

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Harriet Lerner
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FindCenter Quotes ImageWe cannot make another person change his or her steps to an old dance, but if we change our own steps, the dance no longer can continue in the same predictable pattern.

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Harriet Lerner
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Learn This Surprising Ingredient to Relationship Success

Relationship success requires us to follow this counter-intuitive rule.

Article
Harriet Lerner
2020
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Overcoming Your Listening Disorder

We naturally become defensive when our spouse begins to criticize us. We listen to refute or correct the inaccuracies, distortions and exaggerations that are inevitably there. The challenge is to listen only to understand.

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Harriet Lerner
2012
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01:06:30

112: How and Why to Apologize Effectively with Harriet Lerner

Have you ever received an apology that didn’t quite cut it? That made things even worse? Plus, let’s face it - life can be messy. Despite your best intentions, it is nearly impossible to avoid causing harm or hurt every so often.

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Harriet Lerner
2017
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FindCenter Quotes ImageIf only our passion to understand others were as great as our passion to be understood. Were this so, all our apologies would be truly meaningful and healing.

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Harriet Lerner
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FindCenter Quotes ImageWhen forgiveness experts talk in binary language (’You either forgive the wrongdoer or you are a prisoner of your own anger and hate’), they are collapsing the messy complexity of human emotions into a simplistic dichotomous equation.

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Harriet Lerner
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FindCenter Quotes ImagePeople’s sense of self-worth is pivotal to their ability to look clearly at the hurt they’ve caused. The more solid one’s sense of self regard, the more likely that that person can feel empathy and compassion for the hurt party, and apologize from an authentic center.

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Harriet Lerner
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FindCenter Quotes ImageIntimate relationships cannot substitute for a life plan. But to have any meaning or viability at all, a life plan must include intimate relationships.

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Harriet Lerner
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FindCenter Quotes ImageAvoidance will make you feel less vulnerable in the short run, but it will never make you less afraid.

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Harriet Lerner
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Marriage