By Rosemary Counter — 2020
With myriad back-to-school options to choose from, moms’ groups have hit judgment overload.
Read on www.nytimes.com
CLEAR ALL
For as long as I could remember I wanted to be one of those stay-at-home moms. Damn the two degrees and a promising career. I wanted to raise kids, go to the park, and make cute lunches for us all. Super difficult and thankless job, but I was here for it.
Some of us regret what we did, some of us regret what we didn’t do… some of us regret all of the above. And since “motherhood without regrets” is really not a thing, let’s have a conversation about how we can soothe the pain of regret in motherhood.
Sheila Rubin writes about transformance, a term used to describe “the force in the psyche that’s moving towards growth and expansion and transformation,” and the idea that healing is “not just an outcome but a process that exists within each person that emerges in conditions of safety.”
1
There’s an expectation of what is supposed to happen during the holidays: images of a family gathered around a tree, presents, food, love and connection as people smile at each other. But if your family is different, there sometimes can be shame.
One of the hardest aspects of being human is moving past shame. Those feelings of deep regret—and the lingering insecurity and unworthiness that most likely accompany them—stick with us in a way that can be profound.
2
Many equate self-discipline with living a good, moral life, which ends up creating a lot of shame when we fail. There’s a better way to build lasting, solid self-discipline in your life.