By Steve Friedman — 2019
How can a spurned lover make his case? In this essay — the first Modern Love column ever published, exactly 15 years ago — one writer counts the ways.
Read on www.nytimes.com
CLEAR ALL
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” ~Nelson Mandela
1
Many people believe that if you meet the right person and fall in love, you are meant to be with this person. That there won’t be anything you will ever want to change about them. That it should just work out.
2
The five stages of a relationship are the Merge, Doubt and Denial, Disillusionment, the Decision, and Wholehearted Love. Every single relationship moves through these five stages—though not only once.
While some couples are happier than others, and some are definitely more compatible, every couple has arguments or really difficult conversations at least once in a while. It's normal, but not everyone talks about them.
There’s no guidebook for relationship struggles – but there are ways to deal with them.
When it comes to relationships, most of us are winging it.
Traits that don’t fit our traditional narrative of what love should be are actually necessary ingredients for a healthy relationship.
3
It's the rare couple that doesn't run into a few bumps in the road. If you recognize ahead of time, though, what those relationship problems might be, you'll have a much better chance of getting past them.
Life is a balance of holding on and letting go. We strive to make the right choice, but how do we know when it is truly time to let go and move on? Knowing when to let go is key to ensuring we don't stay in toxic relationships or situations that no longer serve us.
Couples’ fights in lockdown are often about the unremitting intensity of togetherness. The sooner you de-escalate a fight, the sooner you can begin working on real solutions.