By Odelya Gertel Kraybill — 2019
Traumatic grief, that is, the grief that accompanies loss that is unexpected, is different. Such a loss triggers post-trauma survival mechanisms in addition to the mourning of whatever was unexpectedly lost.
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"Real" grief means you cry all the time, right? Wrong! Real grief looks like a lot of different things, and no one way is the right way. But what if your partner, friends, or family members DO cry, and you don't. Is that weird? Does it cause conflict in your relationship?
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Are you a motherless daughter? That can mean any number of things, from the death of your mom or a mother figure, to the loss of a "good" relationship with your mom or mother figure.
How do you really help a person after someone they love dies? We often talk about what not to say to a grieving person, but what are the right things to say?
Grief shaming happens when we make judgments or decisions about someone's public face of mourning. It happens when we judge whether we think the way someone is grieving is acceptable.
If a grieving person doesn't follow the expected cultural narrative arc, the journey from terrible event to better than ever, then you're not doing grief right. Have you encountered this? Because of this narrative we expect ourselves and each other to find the happy ending.