By Christiane Northup, MD — 2011
My pleasure simply doesn’t come, like my mother’s, from carrying a heavy pack up Mt. Everest or sleeping on a mat in a tent in the rain. Instead, it comes from dancing, Pilates, reading, and movies—but that’s OK!
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Motherhood is supposed to be all about love and joy. So why do so many moms feel so bad?
The pandemic has exacerbated the isolation of early motherhood; some apps are trying to create a safer space for new moms.
I never felt much shame until I had my child.
Sheila Rubin writes about transformance, a term used to describe “the force in the psyche that’s moving towards growth and expansion and transformation,” and the idea that healing is “not just an outcome but a process that exists within each person that emerges in conditions of safety.”
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There’s an expectation of what is supposed to happen during the holidays: images of a family gathered around a tree, presents, food, love and connection as people smile at each other. But if your family is different, there sometimes can be shame.
As parents, we need to step off our pedestal, stop dominating our kids, and instead treat them as we like to be treated. After all, do you like being shamed? Does it bring out the best in you?
One of the hardest aspects of being human is moving past shame. Those feelings of deep regret—and the lingering insecurity and unworthiness that most likely accompany them—stick with us in a way that can be profound.
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The mild feeling of shame — the prefrontal cortex clutch shifting — is how kids learn to shift themselves from "forbidden" behavior to acceptable behavior.
Here's what you need to know about shaming your kids online and in public, including examples of shaming words that single parents, in particular, should avoid.
I wanted to give them better than what I had. It wasn't easy.