By Tara Brach — 2014
At a weekend workshop I led, one of the participants, Marian, shared her story about the shame and guilt that had tortured her.
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CLEAR ALL
According to the dictionary, to forgive is to stop feeling angry or resentful toward yourself or others for some perceived offense, flaw, or mistake. Keeping that definition in mind, forgiveness becomes a form of compassion.
Compassion gets a lot of attention in positive psychology, and for good reason – it’s a major concern of many religious and philosophical leaders, including the Dalai Lama and Pope Francis.
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How do shame and compassion relate to one another?
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At the end of the day, guilt and shame are crucial social emotions, as they keep people from acting in pure self-interest.
These four avenues can lead you toward self-forgiveness.
In 1989, at one of the first international Buddhist teacher meetings, Western teachers brought up the enormous problem of unworthiness and self-criticism, shame and self-hatred that frequently they arise in Western students’ practice.
Through the acronym RAIN (Recognize-Allow-Investigate-Nurture) we can awaken the qualities of mature compassion—an embodied, mindful presence, active caring, and an all-inclusive heart.
Everybody gets bored now and then. But some people are less likely to experience boredom than others—and it may have something to do with how they treat themselves, say researchers.
My best resource turns out to be websites that offer ten, twenty-five, or 101 relationship tips. The sites are silly, and the ads gum up my computer, but I learn about concepts like compassion, forgiveness, and presence.
It is hard for those who do not parent a neurodivergent child to understand how complex, sad, and draining it can be to see your child constantly triggered, flaring up in ways beyond the child’s ability to control and your ability to resolve.