By Tara Brach — 2014
At a weekend workshop I led, one of the participants, Marian, shared her story about the shame and guilt that had tortured her.
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CLEAR ALL
According to the dictionary, to forgive is to stop feeling angry or resentful toward yourself or others for some perceived offense, flaw, or mistake. Keeping that definition in mind, forgiveness becomes a form of compassion.
If we can process our regrets with tenderness and compassion, we can use these hard memories as a part of our wisdom bank.
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Compassion gets a lot of attention in positive psychology, and for good reason – it’s a major concern of many religious and philosophical leaders, including the Dalai Lama and Pope Francis.
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How do shame and compassion relate to one another?
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Guilt and shame can lead to depression, anxiety, and paranoia, but they also nudge us to behave better. Research suggests that they serve an important, adaptive function important for human survival.
People who develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) also commonly experience guilt. In particular, individuals who have endured traumatic events may also begin to feel what’s known as trauma-related guilt. But what does the term mean exactly?
At the end of the day, guilt and shame are crucial social emotions, as they keep people from acting in pure self-interest.
These four avenues can lead you toward self-forgiveness.
In 1989, at one of the first international Buddhist teacher meetings, Western teachers brought up the enormous problem of unworthiness and self-criticism, shame and self-hatred that frequently they arise in Western students’ practice.
Through the acronym RAIN (Recognize-Allow-Investigate-Nurture) we can awaken the qualities of mature compassion—an embodied, mindful presence, active caring, and an all-inclusive heart.